Novel Bin Chapter 53: Hold Hands and Blink
Thank you LurkingReader for the kofi
Why had he done that?
Song Xuanhe was still thinking about the question Xiao Yuanmu had asked him a week ago while sitting in the hospital room.
When the truck’s lights had shone into his eyes, everything else in front of him had gone dark, and his head had blanked. Then, the paragraph describing Xiao Yuanmu’s car accident had appeared in his mind. The author had written about it in a lot of detail from the time to the location. Details of how tragic the car crash had been were also included. Each word had helped construct the scenes that were then replayed in Song Xuanhe’s brain.
In those few seconds, he had suddenly thought of the Xiao Yuanmu he had seen just before he had forced the other to buy congee. That had been the last time he had seen the Xiao Yuanmu he had been familiar with. Suddenly, a question he had never thought of before had appeared in his mind: If he were given a second chance, would he have followed the plot again?
No answer had come to mind. But, what had happened was that he had unconsciously yanked the steering wheel to the side.
The fact that they had avoided death was probably the best answer he could have come up with.
“Song gege, there’s no more flesh on your apple, it’s just the core!”
A silvery voice interrupted Song Xuanhe’s thoughts. He looked at his bumpy apple that he had been peeling and placed the fruit knife down, guilt bubbling in his chest. He looked at the girl beside him with a serious expression: “I’m just using this to practice. It’s not a reflection of my true skill.”
The girl blinked and asked, “Why do you have to practice peeling an apple? What’s Gege’s true skill? Are you also really good at peeling apples like Yuanmu gege?”
The old woman in bed interrupted the girl. She smiled and said, “Didn’t you say that you had a gift for Song gege? We’re about to leave the hospital. Why don’t you give it to him now?”
The girl suddenly became shy. She slowly stood up from where she had been lying on the bed. She then shuffled over to the backpack that was near the sofa and pulled out a drawing. She then handed it to Song Xuanhe with a nervous and bashful expression.
Song Xuanhe finished his apple in a few bites and then wiped his hands clean before accepting the little girl’s drawing. It looked like there were a few stick people performing some kind of demonic dance. He thought long and hard, trying to see it from a child’s perspective. He asked, “Are these people…playing a game?”
The girl blinked and then shook her head, face red.
Song Xuanhe examined it carefully again. He couldn’t find any crucial clues from the stickmen’s bodies. When he recalled that the girl had just entered the first grade and was still wearing a red scarf, he guessed, “Are these stickmen raising a flag? Are the two in front the ones hoisting it?”
“No.” The girl puffed out her cheeks and pointed at the two in the front that Song Xuanhe had said were “hoisting the flag.” She said, “This is Song gege, and this is Yuanmu gege. This is your wedding, ah! Everyone else is congratulating you.”
The smile on Song Xuanhe’s face froze. However, under the girl’s pure, innocent gaze, he could only force out a laugh. He then spoke in a dry tone, “Wedding?”
“Yes, ah, I hope that Song gege and Yuanmu gege can get married sooner!” The girl’s voice was very clear and melodious. Her eyes sparkled like jewels. Anticipation was written all over her face.
The door to the hospital room was suddenly pushed open, and Xiao Yuanmu walked inside. It seemed like he didn’t hear the girl’s words. In a cool voice, he said, “The paperwork is all done. Granny, we can leave after we pack up.”
When he saw Xiao Yuanmu’s gaze sweep over to their side, Song Xuanhe felt like the drawing in his hand was scalding. He calmly shifted his body and avoided Xiao Yuanmu’s eyes. Luckily, the girl from the orphanage was really scared of Xiao Yuanmu and would not typically take the initiative to speak to him.
But while the little girl didn’t speak, Xiao Yuanmu still walked over. When he saw the drawing in Song Xuanhe’s hand, he asked casually, “What’s this?”
“A present Yuanyuan has given to Xiao Song.” The Director beamed at him. “We’ve already packed up. We can go now.”
Xiao Yuanmu didn’t ask any other questions. He carefully helped the Director as they walked.
Song Xuanhe walked behind them, dragged along by Yuanyuan. He felt complicated as he looked at Xiao Yuanmu, who was currently bent over supporting the Director in front of them.
A week ago, Song Xuanhe had seen Xiao Yuanmu curb his chill and interact with the Director as a normal grandson would with their grandmother. Xiao Yuanmu personally took care of the Director, surprising Song Xuanhe. In a week’s time, Song Xuanhe had gradually realized just how important the Director was to Xiao Yuanmu.
At this point in the original book, the Director had already died, and Xiao Yuanmu had also left the Capital to expand in Hai City. But now, the Director had already recovered, and Xiao Yuanmu had not been forced by his circumstances to leave his home. Now that the plot had changed, it was unclear as to how the future would unfold.
Song Xuanhe didn’t know if this was a good or bad thing for him. Regardless, at least he hadn’t done anything he would regret.
After taking Yuanyuan and the Director back to the orphanage, the Director pulled Song Xuanhe by the hand and had him stay to eat. After a week of interaction, she liked this young man, who she had already had a good impression of, even more.
In the beginning, she had only ever seen Xiao Yuanmu on his own. That was why she had casually mentioned how she hadn’t seen Song Xuanhe for a long time. She had wanted to ask Xiao Yuanmu how his relationship with the other was. What she hadn’t expected was that she’d be able to see Song Xuanhe the next day. After that, as long as Song Xuanhe had had time, he would come see her.
The Director felt very pleased, thinking about how, although Song Xuanhe wasn’t very good at it, he would still earnestly help out wherever he could. The orphanage’s children all really liked him. The most important thing was that she could sense that to Xiao Yuanmu, Song Xuanhe was different.
The Director thought, These two kids are too shy. They never acted affectionate like lovers do in front of her. It was even rare for them to interact with each other. Speaking of which, she also thought that Yuanmu was too cold. His indifference had even caused a cheerful, lively boy like Xiao Song to become so prudent.
“Yuanmu, ah, Xiao Song hasn’t been to your room yet, right? Take him there to have a look. I’ll call for you when it’s time to eat,” The Director said with a smile on her face.
“It’s fine, Director,” Song Xuanhe grabbed onto Yuanyuan, who had been about to run away and find her friends. “Yuanyuan said that she wanted me to play with her. Isn’t that right, Yuanyuan?”
Yuanyuan furrowed her brows as she looked at Song Xuanhe. Did Song gege remember incorrectly?
“Song gege, Yuanyuan didn’t….”
“Yes, you did.” Song Xuanhe said without any hesitation. “When you gave me that drawing, you said that you wanted me to play with you. You must have forgotten.”
Yuanyuan widened her eyes. She thought that it might really have been she who had remembered it wrong. She nodded, muddleheaded, “I think I did ask Song gege to play with me.”
“Yuanyuan hasn’t done her homework yet, because she went to the hospital right after school,” the Director said, “We will be eating soon. Yuanyuan, Song gege can’t play with you right now. You should finish your homework first.”
“Oh yeah, I still have a page of math homework to do.” Yuanmu nodded again. She then looked at Song Xuanhe, conflicted. “Song gege, I can’t play with you today. I have to do my homework. You and Yuanmu gege.…”
“Gege can help you with your homework.” Song Xuanhe smiled. “Gege is really good at drawing. I can teach you how to draw after you’re done with your work.”
Yuanyuan’s eyes lit up, and she turned to look at the Director.
The Director glanced at Xiao Yuanmu, who had remained silent this whole time. “Then, let Yuanmu gege and Song gege help you with your homework. When you’re done, we’ll eat.”
Yuanyuan’s happiness immediately morphed into apprehension. All of the children at the orphanage were afraid of Xiao Yuanmu, and she was naturally no exception.
She shrunk towards the Director. “I can do it on my own. Song gege, you should go look at Yuanmu gege’s room. Yuanyuan won’t disturb Song gege and Yuanmu gege’s date.”
Song Xuanhe hadn’t expected for his teammate to betray him so quickly. He had still wanted to resist, but Xiao Yuanmu pulled at his hand. The other said to the Director, “I’ll take him to my room. Granny, you should rest.”
The smile on the Director’s face became even kinder. She looked at their intertwined hands and nodded, pleased. “OK, OK, OK, Granny will go rest. Take your time to show Xiao Song your room. Show him the photos from when you were young. There’s no hurry to eat.”
Xiao Yuanmu’s tone grew softer. “Okay.”
The Director led Yuanyuan away by the hand. Xiao Yuanmu also pulled Song Xuanhe over to his room while still holding his hand.
Song Xuanhe had originally wanted to make up some excuse to get out of this. But when he saw the room that would be considered crude and impoverished regardless of which world it was in, he found himself unable to speak.
Xiao Yuanmu let go of Song Xuanhe’s hand and walked in. He was tall and slender. When he entered it, the room that was less than five square metres big seemed all the more cramped.
Every living being would unconsciously show an unguarded expression upon returning to their “nest,” where they could relax and rest soundly. Xiao Yuanmu was no exception. Right now, his face was soft, quiet, and relaxed unlike Song Xuanhe had ever seen before.
Xiao Yuanmu walked over to the old-fashioned window, which needed to be unlocked to be opened. He then pushed the two 田-shaped glass panes held in the wooden frame to the sides. The branches of the tall, large, leafy tree outside stretched across the sky. The flowers were still in bloom, and the vegetation was still lush in this late autumn weather. Natural light filtered in through the window, making the cramped room seem brighter and more spacious.
Xiao Yuanmu picked up a book that had still been open on the desk. He turned to look at Song Xuanhe, who was still standing at the door. “You must have never seen such a small room before.”
Song Xuanhe didn’t speak. He only nodded.
He had indeed never seen a room as small as this. Even when he was going through his own roughest times, he had never experienced what it was like to have financial issues. It was just that, ever since his mother had died, there had never been a room or home that could make him reveal an expression that was even a sliver as soft or filled with longing as Xiao Yuanmu’s had been just now.
It was because he no longer had a home, regardless of whether it was in this world or in the world he wanted to return to.
“This is my favourite book.” Xiao Yuanmu looked down at the book in his hand, the corner of his lips curling slightly. There was an unprecedented softness in his refreshingly cool voice. “It’s also the only birthday present I’ve ever received.”
Song Xuanhe’s gaze couldn’t help but also fall on the book in Xiao Yuanmu’s hand. The pages had already turned yellow. Although he wasn’t very far away from it, because of the angle he was at, he couldn’t make out the content of the book. He could only base his guess off of the title page’s colour that this probably wasn’t some classic or reference book.
Noticing Song Xuanhe’s gaze, Xiao Yuanmu handed the book over. There was a little bit of a distance between him and Song Xuanhe, who was standing by the door—about the length of a twin bed. But as long as Song Xuanhe took a step forward, he’d be able to grab hold of the book.
Song Xuanhe didn’t take the book right away. He lifted his eyes to gaze at Xiao Yuanmu, who was standing in front of the window. Right now, the sun was setting. The soft light enveloped Xiao Yuanmu from behind, causing the sharp, cold aura around the other to become fuzzy. The smile on his lips made his entire being warm up. He actually looked like an amiable person, like someone who was actually within reach.
Song Xuanhe stared at Xiao Yuanmu, dazed. In this moment, he suddenly realized something that was really obvious. This something—he denied it this whole time. It was that the Xiao Yuanmu pre-rebirth and the Xiao Yuanmu post-rebirth…they had always been the same person.
He had denied it because he had subjectively drawn a distinction between them in the past. He had used the book’s description to observe and think about the post-rebirth Xiao Yuanmu. It had been from there that he had concluded that the current Xiao Yuanmu was filled with hatred, that he was cold-blooded, ruthless, and sinister.
It was evident that the Xiao Yuanmu in front of him had interacted with the original Song Xuanhe before. But, the other had not hurt him or taken revenge on him as soon as he had been reborn. Instead, the other had decided to watch him and ponder over why he and the original host were different. This obviously contradicted what he had learned from the book. However, Song Xuanhe had drawn a conclusion as soon as he had learned that Xiao Yuanmu had been reborn.
That wasn’t fair.
Xiao Yuanmu looked at his own reflection mirrored through Song Xuanhe’s pure eyes. He didn’t know what the other was thinking about. He watched every shift in emotion in the other’s eyes. When it looked like the other had come back to himself, the gaze he used to look at Xiao Yuanmu suddenly looked a lot less conflicted.
Could it be…that Song Xuanhe suddenly felt sympathy for him, because he thought his childhood was too tragic?
Xiao Yuanmu raised a brow, the smile on his lips deepening. He waved the book a bit. When he saw Song Xuanhe look over, he wiped the smile off of his face and quietly said, “Although this had been a contribution to the orphanage and wasn’t specifically intended to be given to me as a birthday present, it had reached my hands on my birthday. Therefore…I considered it a birthday present.”
Song Xuanhe pursed his lips, brows knitting subconsciously. After having accepted the book, he noticed the folded corners of the book at once. He looked up and asked, “Did you read this book often?”
“Mn,” Xiao Yuanmu answered quietly. “This is the only book that belonged to just me, outside of textbooks.”
Song Xuanhe’s lips pressed even more tightly in a line. His eyes shifted back to the book, and he had been about to say something. However, his expression morphed into bafflement when he read the book’s contents. A moment later, he asked hesitantly, “Do you…really like this book?”
Xiao Yuanmu’s gaze shifted to the book in his hands. Calmly, he made a sound of agreement.
Song Xuanhe looked at the picture in the book and coughed. “Which…story do you like the most?”
“The one you’re looking at now.”
Song Xuanhe looked at the mermaid sitting on a rock depicted in the illustration as well as the title of the story: The Little Mermaid.
“I…also really liked reading and watching animated films as a kid.” Song Xuanhe couldn’t help but laugh. He met Xiao Yuanmu’s gaze that didn’t hold any coldness for once, voice quiet as he continued. “I used to really like Buzz Lightyear….”
“Did Yuanyuan give you that drawing in your hand?”
Suddenly, Xiao Yuanmu had changed the topic.
Song Xuanhe’s hand that had been holding onto the book grew stiff. His gaze shifted to the drawing that was currently sitting beneath the book and discreetly shoved it in further. “Yes. She had casually drawn me a picture and said that it was to thank me for playing with her while visiting the Director these last few days.”
Xiao Yuanmu’s eyes fell on the drawing and asked, “Can I see it?”
“That wouldn’t be good.” When he saw that Xiao Yuanmu’s gaze didn’t leave the drawing, inspiration suddenly hit Song Xuanhe, and he made up a nonsense excuse. “Actually, Yuanyuan had a flash of inspiration when she saw the flag being raised today at school. She really admired the people who raised the flag, so she drew this. She said that she wanted to one day get up on stage and raise the flag too. This drawing holds her dreams, so I think that it wouldn’t be good to let others see it so casually.”
“Is that so, ah?” It looked like Xiao Yuanmu believed him. He looked away and said, “Granny told me to show you my room, so I’ll show you some things.”
When he saw that Xiao Yuanmu’s expression had softened again, Song Xuanhe nodded slightly.
Xiao Yuanmu looked around the room and introduced him to some of the things in the tiny room.
Every piece of furniture in this room, every decoration—they all held some kind of special meaning to Xiao Yuanmu. When he had talked about them, his cool voice was refreshing like a creek on a summer evening. Every word he uttered was infused with a bit of warmth.
By the time he had pulled out an album, there was only the afterglow left of the setting sun. The shadows in the rather dusky room had been pulled long. The two young men sat inside this room with their heads gathered close together. They were carefully examining pictures that had already become a bit fuzzy and unclear.
The moment the last vestiges of sunlight had finally disappeared, Xiao Yuanmu closed the album. He met eyes with Song Xuanhe, who had also looked up, through the darkness. The two of them simply stared at each other, seemingly in a daze, before they both looked away at the same time.
The room fell silent. The laughter of the children outside became even more obvious.
Xiao Yuanmu suddenly asked, “I noticed that you seem to be very afraid of me. Why?”
Song Xuanhe’s eyelashes trembled. He raised his chin and looked at the tree branches outside the window, denying it. “Why would I be afraid of you?”
“Is that so?” Xiao Yuanmu’s quiet question was filled with some unclear meaning. He then stood up. “Let’s go. It’s probably about time to eat dinner.”
The two of them left the room, one after another. Yuanyuan, who had been playing for a very long time, finally came running over, crashing into Song Xuanhe’s arms.
Xiao Yuanmu caught Song Xuanhe by the shoulders and gazed at the little girl, who was hugging the other. His voice was cold. “Don’t run around recklessly and bump into other people like that.”
Yuanyuan pouted, looking rather wronged. However, she didn’t have the courage to talk back to Xiao Yuanmu. Therefore, she let go of Song Xuanhe and went to hold his hand instead. “Song gege, Yuanmu gege, the Director told me to tell you to come eat.”
Song Xuanhe nodded and asked casually, “Did you finish your homework?”
“Yes.” Yuanyuan hopped along vivaciously as she held his hand. Her smile was cheerful. “It was really easy, ah. I finished it really quickly, so Granny Director told me to come call you guys.”
Xiao Yuanmu looked at the two of them, who were holding hands. With an insipid tone, he interjected, “Why did you come so late?”
Yuanyuan stopped hopping for a moment. In a timid and guity tone, she said, “Because… because, when I was originally going to call you guys, I had noticed that the food wasn’t ready yet, so I had decided to call you when the food was done.”
“It wasn’t just because I wanted to have fun.” Yuanyuan tugged on Song Xuanhe’s hand and looked up at him. “Song gege, are you hungry?”
“No.” Song Xuanhe, who had been pretty hungry while looking through the album just now, lied without batting an eye. “You were right to wait until all the food was done.”
Hearing this, Yuanyuan felt relieved. She continued to bounce while holding Song Xuanhe’s hand as they made their way to the dining room.
At this time, most of the children had already finished eating. Right now, the Director and the other teachers, who had just finished with their work, were sitting at the small table in the dining room. When she saw Song Xuanhe and them come, the Director beckoned at them. “I had Yuanyuan go call for you guys a long time ago, so why are you so late? The food is already all cold.”
When Xiao Yuanmu and Song Xuanhe sat down, she handed full bowls of rice over to the two of them. She then scolded Xiao Yuanmu, “Xiao Song doesn’t know what time dinner is here at the orphanage, but you should, no? It’s already so late, Xiao Song must be starving.”
“He’s not.”
The Director and the other teachers all looked at Xiao Yuanmu and saw him say in an indifferent tone, “He said it himself just now.”
“I’m…really not that hungry.” Song Xuanhe’s gaze shifted from the food to the Director. “Director, you don’t have to give me so much rice. I’m not that hungry right now.”
When the Director heard this, she shook her head. “You’re such a big man, you must eat a lot. What are we going to do with so much rice if we don’t eat it? Eat first, if you can’t finish it, we’ll talk about it later.”
Song Xuanhe had wanted to nod, but he heard Yuanyuan next to him say, “Song gege, Yuanyuan is hungry. If you can’t eat it, how about giving it to Yuanyuan?”
Song Xuanhe: “….”
Song Xuanhe smiled while giving some of his rice to Yuanyuan. “You should eat more.”
The Director’s smile deepened as she watched the interaction between Song Xuanhe and Yuanyuan. She said, “Eat quickly, ba. If it’s not enough, you can get seconds later.”
Song Xuanhe had just said that he was not that hungry, so obviously, he wouldn’t be getting seconds. Therefore, not long after, he placed his bowl that had only held a bit of food down. He then glanced at Xiao Yuanmu, who was still eating unhurriedly, as well as Yuanyuan, who was eating with gusto.
Yuanyuan looked up from her bowl and smiled. “Song gege, are you done, ah? When I’m finished, let’s play together.”
Gege doesn’t want to play. Gege just wants to eat more.
Song Xuanhe had a smile on his face and shook his head. “I’ll be leaving after dinner. I’ll play with you next time.”
Yuanyuan nodded, looking disappointed. However, she was a very sensible child. “Then, Song gege will play with Yuanyuan next time.”
Right at this moment, Xiao Yuanmu had also finished eating. He wiped his lips and looked at Yuanyuan, who was still eating. He said in a seemingly casual tone, “Yuanyuan, the drawing you gave Song gege this afternoon was very well done.”
Yuanyuan looked up, appearing to be in disbelief over Xiao Yuanmu praising her. When she saw that he had really meant it, her face broke out into a huge smile. “That was for Song gege and Yuanmu gege. When you guys get married, Yuanyuan will draw you another one.”
Song Xuanhe: “Yuanyuan, don’t speak while eating. Careful not to choke.”
Yuanyuan lovably said, “Oh,” and then continued eating.
But now, Xiao Yuanmu seemed puzzled. He asked, “You’ll draw another one when we get married?”
“I drew Song gege and Yuanmu gege getting married, ah.” Because Xiao Yuanmu had praised her just now, Yuanyuan was no longer as afraid of him. She smiled sweetly, “It would be really good if Song gege and Yuanmu gege could really get married.”
Xiao Yuanmu: “Wasn’t it about raising a fl….”
Song Xuanhe suddenly stood up and bid goodbye to the Director. “Since we’re done, we’ll be leaving.”
The Director smiled at them and walked them out to the orphanage’s gates.
On the way back, Xiao Yuanmu looked at Song Xuanhe pensively. Song Xuanhe kept his eyes forward. When he recalled the awkwardness just now at having been nearly exposed by Xiao Yuanmu, he couldn’t help but ask in an unhappy tone, “Why are you looking at me? What do you want to say?”
Xiao Yuanmu’s lips curled up slightly. “I want to ask….”
Song Xuanhe interrupted him. “I’m not answering your question.”
“I wanted to ask you if you’re still hungry. If you were, I was going to make noodles for you at home,” was what Xiao Yuanmu said, “But if you don’t want to eat, we can just forget about it.”
When he thought about how he hadn’t gotten to eat Xiao Yuanmu’s tomato egg noodles for nearly two months now, Song Xuanhe, who had always submitted when it came to delicious food, very quickly changed attitudes. “I want to eat.”
The author has something to say:
Xiao Yuanmu: If you don’t want to eat my noodles, forget it.
Song Xuanhe: I want to eat!
Eve: There was so much cuteness in this chapter??? SXH and XYM bonding over children’s stories, Yuanyuan’s drawing and the fact that SXH is good with kids. UwU
Kara: While there was a lot of cuteness, there were also a lot of sad things in the chapter?? Both He bao and MuMu have such sadness in their hearts. Please heal each other!! (´；Д；｀) But, MuMu being jealous over SXH and Yuanyuan holding hands was cute. And, I’m glad that they’re finally getting closer!! Hehehehehe (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*